Monday, February 4, 2013


You know those photos where you can highlight certain colors to accent a certain shade? The apt in the Dr office was like that photo. I noticed immediatley the purple stability ball used as a chair behind the Dr desk ( i have a purple ball at home) Then as he sat down I noticed he was wearing a purple tie with purple pinstriped shirt. and there across the desk was me.. wearing a purple sweater. and I thought for a moment what it must have looked like for the student seated beside us. Did they notice the color scheme as well? I didnt say anything.. but I thought to myself how ironic this all is. ... anyway... back to the appt itself I decided to go back to one of the Dr i have seen in the past to rule out/in and infection. As fate would have it they had a cancellation for today. There is usually a very long wait to get into see them.. so I was thankful. I drive down.. and think this isnt so bad... I drive through the city and remember all those times i would drive down those same streets in burning V pain. I remember the time my dad had to drive me because i was too sick to drive.. ouch there goes my neck.. have to massage it at the next light. Finally I arrived and found a spot to park and I made my way across the lot into the doors of the hospital and up via the elevator. I was mentally preparing for all I had to remember to ask the Dr. Upon arriving i was greated by the very nice staff ( not something one with the V is used to or atleast not me ) I was relaxed and I made myself as comfy as I could be as i waited. I read some breast exam pamphlets and other hormone stuff out on the tables.. wondering when I would hear my name when in the distance over the hum of the heating systme i heard my name. Undress from the waist down.. ( havent heard that in ages i thought) Wow the table of insturments no longer makes me nervous. I dont feel nervous. The dr comes in with a nurse and a student. asks my permission for them to be in the room.. wow. The Q- tip test- not bad.. wow.. im shocked.. have i really come this far... no.. wait that burns a bit.. but very slight. hmmm then the speculum... well that HURT.. pinching pain.. and a lot of spasm.. even when it wasnt openend all the way it was the larger not used to the large ones and this friggin hurts... ugh.. I was in a flare already this sux. The Dr is quick and is saying that the pinching is probably coming from the outside. while on the table i silently disagreed as in the past the outside burn wouldnt have allowed the speculum.. this was deeper inside.. bladder??? muscles.. I dunno. Ok speculum out.. that didnt hurt coming out.. this is new to me.. wow. So, that also tells me it was deaper inside the pain ok, now for the digital exam.. ugh.. this hurts .. too fast movments with muscles in spasm... arghhhh. time to get dressed.. that was quick.. time for me to get dressed and go next door to talk. No infection... im doing much better than the last visit two years ago. In fact the Dr joked with the student about how he did not pay for me to come into the office that day bc earlier they were discussing how PT helps patients.. and there i was probably one of the PT success stories or atleast stories where the muscled refer burning. anyway... he was concered about me still having so much pain with the speculum and again defended his opinion it was coming from the outside.. i still disagree. he suggests cream... this time gabapentin, baclo, amnatriptalyne.. i remark how the last cream caused itching and burning he felt it was the base. I disagree. So, it was time to shell out the cash for the parking and drive home down the bumpy streets with muscles in spasm... but the V wasnt burning. i could live.. just wish the spasm wasnt so bad. as i type this i am in spasm with some V burn on the left. The spots that were tender were 4 and 8. which coincide with where my muscles have been tight. Overall i see this as progress .. i am still flaring and was made temporarly worse by the exam... but i will get out of the flare in time. So, i would say the purple day turned out not so bad after all.

Monday, January 14, 2013

PC flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare

No PC does no mean politically correct. Or personal computer.. or anything simplistic as that. PC is the pubacoxygeous muscle. I know i spelled it wrong.. maybe when Im not in so much pain I will correct it. Im worn im drained.. i have too much burning to be defeated. Im pretty sure i know what triggered this.. the thombrosed hemmroid. It sux no other words for it. there i was doing so well... walking ready to step it up a notch and get to the gym per the PT to use the treadmill. Simple I thought. BECAUSE I yes ME had forgotten all about this muscle. I had forgotten because for many blissful months it was not a factor and IF it was it was so beyond minor. An obtrator ocassionally towards the outside... but nothing like this. Honestly I have not been feeling OK for about a month now if not longer. I had to goto PT two weeks earlier... I may have to see the osteo this week after just having PT. I dont get how this is not calming down... and it feels like i just had PT yesterday as if the muscle just wont calm. It hurts to stand... which those who read this blog know standing was all i could do... well now it appears my body does not like that... feels like a lot of pressure and tugging. yes my time of the month is due in a few days... could be why i feel even worse. but i need to get things done... and this is making it so difficult.. The BuRN intense like sunburn.. in the left side of the V... from a person not at all used to this burn in years!!! for me after years of getting V injections and crotch creams.... it was discovered this PC causes me the burning. so i naturally freak when it gets like this. Once a few summers ago it was triggered and did not calm down for MONTHS. I try to not let my mind go there but it is so difficult. When i find myself going there i start some deep breathing... because when I cry it kills even more. ugh and grrr. I know if i made it there... my body knows the way back... and i know i have been way worse... sooo.. here is hoping that the flare ends when the period starts... and i can get back to baseline. and please PC can u stom engaging already... I promise im working on building some muscles so you dont have to work so hard. thanx. it is so odd because the SIJD has not been that flared up... at all. in the past the PC is flared from sitting too much, a fissure.. constipation.. carrying heavy items.. praying very hard and doing my best to relax.