all kidding aside... Mercury is retrograde... and it appears this go around my body is under attack.
the never ending flare was a UTI that didnt culture any bacteria out yet the antibiotics helped. Well, after that was done.. I started to have stomach issues... constipation.... and then out of nowhere..I became severly constipated...not able to go for hours.. until i took MOM and a suppository and then finally I went.... but damn did that F up my PFD and tear my fissure. So, I think everything is OK....after I have two BM's in a day... WRONG. yesterday I could not go again...it felt like the fissure was not allowing it to pass and the pressure was terrible.... not to mention how woozy i felt etc. Also yesterday I decided to try and add calories to my diet thinking all was clear in constipation land....
I am the worst I have ever been right now.......well maybe next to the time that I was also on Cipro and had similar happen which landed me in the ER... my stomach really has not been the same since that bought...but I could deal.
I had to cancel PT..which sucks because my muscles are so tight which is just adding to this. put a call into the colon doc...who called me back personally and went over what he felt would help.... I did one of his treatments...and it is killing my stomach... feels like I have to go to the bathroom...but cant... I dont think I actually have to go...I think all these laxatives are going crazy in my body right now... I need a break...my GI needs a damn break already.
as a result my PFD is bad...and V is starting to flare up as well...as is to be expected.... I may try to do an internal.... but not sure.
i feel so ill i cant stomach much but broth... I dont know if it is the laxatives...or if I have some sort of infection that the antibiotics caused. all i know is this is very rough to deal with...... im not used to feeling this ill..... and it has been a long time since I have.
I wish I could remember how I healed back then.... all I remember is barely eating anything for a few days...
Im praying very hard that this passes...praying even harder what ever it is can be treated or just goes away..... the nausea is really tough to deal with...and it comes in waves....
my body needs a break in the worst way. and Im not sure when or if that will happen..... so I have to just be tough and wait it out and know I will be OK again. I got thru the last flare of the bladder now it is the GI...and I think most of that is the laxatives.... and the PFD causing havoc..... I wish I could have gotten into my PT...but that will have to wait now five more days... seems like forever. I guess that will give my stomach time to chill out...because that is what is driving the muscles right now.
hopefully, I will rebound and be back to baseline soon...real soon.
I have to say my friends have rallied around me as well as family.... i have people in my corner and this helps me to continue to fight........ I find myself thinking I will take vulva burning over this any day..... and I would.... because this is complete misery.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
the never ending flare
it is like some rollercoaster ride. and Im really scared this will not go away or calm down.
ok I have so many factors contributing to this mess.... I have my period now trying to kill me, which it has not done in months...maybe a year. It hasnt started and it does this thing where it just hangs on....and then I just wait until it graces me with its presence. so im treating a uti that may or may not really be a UTI.... and it has caused havoc on my system.... my stomach once again is in constipation mode, so much so that I had to do two shot of milk of magnesia...just to ease the pain, but I think it flare my bladder or something has flared it.
the burning urination is gone though so for that I am thankful...but this pain is so horrid....... I just want the period to start already. I also feel so emotional.... for the most part friends have really stepped it up...calling , and checking in on me........ I like the support, really value them....and the distractions they have created. but it sucks when I am the one slipping and Im normally the one to be strong and offer support....sucks that I was doing so good and now not so.
in a blink of an eye all was washed away. One friend wrote to me tonite, it will calm down it has in the past and it will again you just have to be patient...........and I guess that is what i will have to be patient. but it is tough when everything is on fire , burning away... ugh. this is a living nightmare.
so I am just going to pray this works out, heck I made it thru worse flares... the fissure debacle.....that took forever to recover from...the eating gluten and having constipation for quite sometime.... so bad I couldnt even get self PT. so I made it thru all of that.....and then had a very good period....so maybe this is just another dip....that will allow me to have another great period in time. I refuse to let my mind wonder...I just want the pain to stop..... I think once my period arrives I will feel much better...probably drained but better.
it is funny because I am usually so protective of my PFD....but right now I just want to get thru the moment.... thru the pain.....and the PFD will take care of itself.
there is not one trigger I can think of that would have stirred all of this up...nothing....and that is what is so difficult about this. I have to just adapt and know that things will just work out.
ok I have so many factors contributing to this mess.... I have my period now trying to kill me, which it has not done in months...maybe a year. It hasnt started and it does this thing where it just hangs on....and then I just wait until it graces me with its presence. so im treating a uti that may or may not really be a UTI.... and it has caused havoc on my system.... my stomach once again is in constipation mode, so much so that I had to do two shot of milk of magnesia...just to ease the pain, but I think it flare my bladder or something has flared it.
the burning urination is gone though so for that I am thankful...but this pain is so horrid....... I just want the period to start already. I also feel so emotional.... for the most part friends have really stepped it up...calling , and checking in on me........ I like the support, really value them....and the distractions they have created. but it sucks when I am the one slipping and Im normally the one to be strong and offer support....sucks that I was doing so good and now not so.
in a blink of an eye all was washed away. One friend wrote to me tonite, it will calm down it has in the past and it will again you just have to be patient...........and I guess that is what i will have to be patient. but it is tough when everything is on fire , burning away... ugh. this is a living nightmare.
so I am just going to pray this works out, heck I made it thru worse flares... the fissure debacle.....that took forever to recover from...the eating gluten and having constipation for quite sometime.... so bad I couldnt even get self PT. so I made it thru all of that.....and then had a very good period....so maybe this is just another dip....that will allow me to have another great period in time. I refuse to let my mind wonder...I just want the pain to stop..... I think once my period arrives I will feel much better...probably drained but better.
it is funny because I am usually so protective of my PFD....but right now I just want to get thru the moment.... thru the pain.....and the PFD will take care of itself.
there is not one trigger I can think of that would have stirred all of this up...nothing....and that is what is so difficult about this. I have to just adapt and know that things will just work out.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Full Circle- UTI Hell
as I entered that door- I recalled that cold winter day back in 2006 when I had first visited the urgent care..... the Dr thought it was just a UTI.... and it ended up never going away.
today- I entered again- after going thru a week of what I thought was the PC muscle recovering from PT, then a food flare.... and then some odd thing only involving the left side of the vulva..... I said this is not going awayt his is getting worse this has to be an infection. but which one.... yeast, UTI... wtf!
so I peed in the cup...and they checked it and came in and said it was positive for nitrites and wbc...and trace amount of blood (possibly due to me having IC) blah, sucks. So I told them what usually works for me...and they will be sending it out for culture. By the amount of pain I am in right now I am certain it is ecoli. I just hope something cultures, because then I will know for sure it is not yeast.
this sucks though the pain is terrible...and I went to PT (yes I must be insane) but some of this felt like muscles...but during the session she said they probably would just go back to tight (great so wasted money possible) atleast externally was corrected which again took time...sucks.
So, at one point the PT says this is what I was saying when things just happen when you are going along fine...then you deal with that and see where you are.... pt is super supportive ....but this is frustrating....I actually wish i could be more like them the non worrying type.... that never doubts they will be back to baseline again... but I fear this.....
im not afraid to admit I am afraid this is 06 all over again..... maybe it is the fact I no longer see my NP....and this is the first UTI without them. on board.... with the encouragement that this will get better- I take the meds and come back for a recheck....
my family doesnt seem to understand -as they have had UTI's and still expect me to do things for them next week that I know I cannot...I am being told I have to...well I cant unless I really improve drastically. even when i say I have IC they say yes and I have been screaming in pain with UTI's ugh...frustrating as all heck...so I just stop trying to explain.
so yea, I am without a real urologist following me and that was OK, when I wasnt having as many bladder flares... but now it seems like things are back to crap...as who knows what this UTI will do to the state of the bladder.
I just hope this is what this is, because why on earth would it just affect the left side...wth! I try to just focus on other things , but it is so tough mentally let alone to physically deal with this.....
I need this to just go away and I will never ever take my daily symptoms for granted again. being able to sit is first on the list.
So for the next few days I am just going to try and rest- as boring as that is...i have a UTI to recover from and pt...so kind of a double whamy of sorts. I will try to remain positive and focus on knowing I will get thru this and not allow fear to grab hold. fingers crossed something shows up on the culture too!
I guess sometimes we are given things like this to show us just how bad it really could be...and even though we werent 100% - how far we really have come......
today- I entered again- after going thru a week of what I thought was the PC muscle recovering from PT, then a food flare.... and then some odd thing only involving the left side of the vulva..... I said this is not going awayt his is getting worse this has to be an infection. but which one.... yeast, UTI... wtf!
so I peed in the cup...and they checked it and came in and said it was positive for nitrites and wbc...and trace amount of blood (possibly due to me having IC) blah, sucks. So I told them what usually works for me...and they will be sending it out for culture. By the amount of pain I am in right now I am certain it is ecoli. I just hope something cultures, because then I will know for sure it is not yeast.
this sucks though the pain is terrible...and I went to PT (yes I must be insane) but some of this felt like muscles...but during the session she said they probably would just go back to tight (great so wasted money possible) atleast externally was corrected which again took time...sucks.
So, at one point the PT says this is what I was saying when things just happen when you are going along fine...then you deal with that and see where you are.... pt is super supportive ....but this is frustrating....I actually wish i could be more like them the non worrying type.... that never doubts they will be back to baseline again... but I fear this.....
im not afraid to admit I am afraid this is 06 all over again..... maybe it is the fact I no longer see my NP....and this is the first UTI without them. on board.... with the encouragement that this will get better- I take the meds and come back for a recheck....
my family doesnt seem to understand -as they have had UTI's and still expect me to do things for them next week that I know I cannot...I am being told I have to...well I cant unless I really improve drastically. even when i say I have IC they say yes and I have been screaming in pain with UTI's ugh...frustrating as all heck...so I just stop trying to explain.
so yea, I am without a real urologist following me and that was OK, when I wasnt having as many bladder flares... but now it seems like things are back to crap...as who knows what this UTI will do to the state of the bladder.
I just hope this is what this is, because why on earth would it just affect the left side...wth! I try to just focus on other things , but it is so tough mentally let alone to physically deal with this.....
I need this to just go away and I will never ever take my daily symptoms for granted again. being able to sit is first on the list.
So for the next few days I am just going to try and rest- as boring as that is...i have a UTI to recover from and pt...so kind of a double whamy of sorts. I will try to remain positive and focus on knowing I will get thru this and not allow fear to grab hold. fingers crossed something shows up on the culture too!
I guess sometimes we are given things like this to show us just how bad it really could be...and even though we werent 100% - how far we really have come......
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