Saturday, January 4, 2014
My last well years
Hello Readers/followers- it has been a year since I posted- im coming back here tonite because someone suggested I start a blog..and then I recalled i had this one. when I got sick in 2005 it was sudden.. one moment I was vacationing the next i was beyond sick .. scary sick. ER type of sick. I tried to continue to work but could not. Then for a brief period of time my work forced me back and they saw that I could barely hold my head up at my desk..so I was placed back out on leave. I was bitter for a long time.. and too sick to even write a final goodbye email to all my coworkers and friends. I never really gave that aspect much thought.. The fact I was not given proper closer...how I was just cut off from the world I knew... I had a full life.. friends, a good job. A few nites ago I deiced to look up a few former coworkers..when I looked up this one guy; I shortly discovered he had passed away in 2010. It left me shocked..hurt and all typed of other feeling rolled into this big ball of emotional upheavel. he was young.. left a family.. we hung out as a group.. and had a lot of fun. while i was fighting for my health and my life consumed by this illness.. they all moved on.. and he even passed on. I feel robbed... im not even sure this guy knew what really happened to me... im not sure if it was circumstances..or if i stopped communicating with some...not by choice.. but circumstance. regardless, i may try and get back in touch with a few of them... im just feeling so much loss..i can even express it in words.. maybe the correct word is cheated.. i feel cheated out of the life i was living.. can anyone out there relate to any of this? if i could talk to this coworker again...i would thank him...thank him for being part of my last healthy years...thank him for the laughs...looking out for me.. etc. you just never know , i guess when you might be spending your time with someones last healthy years. as for my health-- I switched to a new PT last spring..and saw significant improvement---my neck still remains a trouble point for me.. and i struggle with htat a lot im seeing a chiro out of state.. who is helping i started taking glucosamine and that seems to have helped my IC I saw a new urologist 3 months ago and she did not feel i have IC...my bladder for the first time ever when palpated did not make me leap off the table...it did NOT even hurt! she felt it was V pain.. glands were visibly irritated... i asked for gabapentic cream and she Rx that for me to use during flares...it seems to help The rest of my world is still very stressful...the mold in my home was never remmediated...iwas conned out of thousands..by a guy who pretended to be a friend and so concerned about my health was nothig but a fraud. this causes me the most stress as I am now looking for a roomate. Its odd though.. the healthy segment of my life..i forgot all about it..until the other nite... im going to start to get back into my old mindset again.. but only more improved. Ive been through a lot since 2005...ive learned a lot ... im hoping in time that I will gain more acceptance of this passing of the coworker friend..and acceptance for all the loss surrounding my last well years.