Wednesday, March 23, 2011
: capable of being hurt : susceptible to injury or disease
vulnerable to nutritional impairment—Journal of the American Medical Association>
—vul·ner·a·bil·i·ty \ˌvəln-(ə-)rə-ˈbil-ət-ē\ noun, plural vul·ner·a·bil·i·ties
doesnt seem so bad when you read it in black and white- however it seems being inflicted with the 3 Amigos has left me open to being vulnerable.
It seems I am way to giving of a person even with all I am dealing with daily- I still give myself way too much- and because of that I find myself in a rather unpleasant situation.
A situation I should have known better to avoid- or at the most stay detached. I put myself on the backburnner for this person...being available to them...and in a brief moment of 'need for support- well on top of a person not being there for me- I was basically lied to on top of it all. ( I cant go into many details as I dont know how reads this blog) tonite reality struck loud and clear-
BUT it was a wake up call for me- and now I have to figure out how to properly deal with this.
I have a few thoughts right now like Ignore this person until I feel up to talking without feeling hurt
discuss my feelings(probably would not be received all that well) especially my thoughts on them lying and being a tad self absorbed.
unfortunately I have to have dealings with this person on a business type of level.
the phrase never mix business with pleasure has a whole new meaning.
but I cant go along pretending or pushing my feelings aside... this friendship just doesnt make me feel good anymore. If it did obviously I wouldnt be writing this and giving it - its own blog entry.
I'm always available or made to feel like I have to be ( or I get texts, multiple phone calls, IM's etc) ugh
There are those that prey on vulenerable people- and I hope I am wrong about this person- but that feeling tonite is very strong :(
bottom line- im struggling to get back to baseline and I have no time for this stress and hurt feelings to enter my world.
This has knocked me off balance and I dont like it one bit :/